THE TRUTH ABOUT MANSCAPEING

Hello Men! That a great introduction isn’t it? I mean lets face it, in this day and age of politically correct metro sexuals, it’s probably been a while since you’ve heard an intro like that. You’re a man and you’re proud of it! I feel the same way, there are too many advantages to being a man for me to list.

No I’m not here to talk about our advantages, although I do thank the lord every time I stand up to pee. I’m here to talk about one advantage we don’t have. Body hair! I’m here to dispel the myths and spread the truth about manscapeing.

Before I dive in and start giving you specifics about where you should and shouldn’t be grooming, let’s get to the root of the issue. Body hair has it’s origins in the caveman days when it actually served the purpose of keeping us warm. Well guess what? The caveman days are over and it’s 2011. For all of you guys that refuse to control any of your body hair feel free to step into the twenty first century anytime. If you read this article and still decide that your not going to manscape, please don’t go the beaches of South Florida. I may be there and the image of your back pelt will be forever burned into my mind.

Now that I’ve weeded out the hard heads let us begin. Male body hair can be divided into three categories.

1. The Monobrow
2. The Forbidden zone
3. The Netherlands

At this point even the most hard headed caveman would admit the monobrow has long outlived it’s usefulness. While there may be room for debate when it comes to the forbidden zone and the Netherlands, there is no doubt that the monobrow should be forever removed from society. I have yet to meet a woman who thinks the monobrow is an attractive feature. I have never heard a woman say; “I like long walks in the park, latin dancing, and guys with one eyebrow. So do whatever it takes to get rid of it. Perhaps a female friend can help you with the waxing. Yes that’s right I said it, waxing! and while we’re on the subject I’d like to let you in on a little secret about waxing. It doesn’t even hurt. It may sting for a split second but generally speaking waxing is not as painful as woman would have you think it is. It’s a convenient reason for woman to be drama queens and talk about the pain they go through to be beautiful. In fact the next time your girlfriend / wife complains about the pain of waxing, take that opportunity to show her it’s not that bad and let her cure one of your problem areas.

Now that you have two distinct eyebrows we can move onto the Forbidden Zone. Where is the Forbidden Zone you ask? It is “anything above the waist that you can’t see“. Since this is so important I’ll say that again. The Forbidden Zone is “anything above the waist that you can’t see“. Any and all back hair is useless and should be removed. There is no easy way of doing this. You have to accept the fact that you’re not going to be in control, lie face down and let the woman in your life conquer the jungle. If you don’t have a girlfriend / wife, removing your back hair can only help this situation. One final thought on the Forbidden Zone. It extends all the way up to the hair line where the “neck tails” start to show up a week after your haircut. Remember the definition of the Forbidden Zone. Anything above the waist that you can’t see.

Last but certainly not least the Netherlands. While the Forbidden Zone resides above the waist, the Netherlands is “anything below the waist that you can’t see“. Now I know this is a sensitive area for men, both literally and figuratively. But it’s an area that needs your attention. If you don’t believe me just ask your woman. In fact the Netherlands is really her domain. If your girlfriend / wife said she’ll give you “all the sex you could handle” if her initials were shaved into your groin, would you do it? I know I would!

When you get the chance, dive right into that conversation and get her opinion. “Be like Burger King and let the girl have her whopper, her way“.

I am Doug D, and this is The "DOUG OUT!"